I was disillusioned. And I was “over” how things were going. The trajectory was inconsistent. The path was rocky for years. There were things I expected from our partnership (or didn’t expect but now realize that I should have). There were things I wanted, needed, deserved. But I still didn’t get. And I know he pretty much felt the same. Somewhere in between entering our 30s, parenthood, and devolving into a ho-hum routine – something(s) definitely got lost in translation. Still, I loved him. And I’d spent many years believing this was my person – my forever. 

So, when my person told me he was no longer committed and doubled-down with his actions, it served as confirmation – I couldn’t depend on this and I couldn’t trust this. Whatever had been making me question the strength – and validity – of our relationship sinisterly whispered in my ear, “Told ya.” Then, all the feels. Uncertainty. Anxiety. Abandonment. Embarrassment. Fear. But there’s no fear in love. 

My friends Nzingha and Brandon have a solid foundation that’s been built with power and purpose. Brandon never held back his intentions or attention. Nzingha didn’t hold back affection or dedication. From Day One, they both put the work in. And now, the promise of eternal loyalty, respect, protection, and mutual accountability has been made. It was beautiful to behold, and it’s exciting to think of all the great things this union will birth. Asé.

You can find the ultimate freedom in love. You can reveal your true nature and know it’ll be accepted and embraced. You can be vulnerable without fear of rebuff or reproach. You can have difficult conversations with love still in the midst. You can weather every storm because love doesn’t back down or surrender. 

Through the ups and downs of my last relationship, I learned a lot about love. When love is real and true, you don’t let pride, ego, life, or the world dump on it. You don’t hold onto past hurts, and you don’t go to bed angry. You don’t let anyone come in between you – even with the best of intentions, and definitely not with personal agendas. You keep your eye on the prize. Endless fun. Endless growth. Endless joy. Bliss.

In love, you show up for your person in every way possible. You communicate honestly and check in often about what you need and about what they need. You take pleasure in fulfilling each other’s needs (well, you know, most of the time :P). You appreciate the blessing that love is. You bask in it like warm rays on a tropical beach.

I still believe in love. I still want to be married and have more children. In fact, God told me as a young girl that was my destiny. I now realize if I’m to fulfill my destiny, it has to be purely for the sake of love and building something powerful together – not because it’s something to “check off” life’s to-do list or because that’s what I “should” be doing.

Love is the source of everything great. Love of God. Love of self. Love of others. Everyone doesn’t have love, and everyone doesn’t find it. Some people feel like they really don’t need it. Whatever the case, if you have love – please, cherish love.